So, Elliot has gotten used to his insulin pump since I've last written. He actually tries to help me with mine and knows that the pump is important for him. One night, while sleeping over my parents' house, he heard his pump beep and woke my mom up to tell her that his pump broke. She checked his sugar and it was high and when she went to use the pump, she noticed the battery had died and then Elliot pointed at the pump and said "Broke".
He's such a smart little boy. He's started to test his own blood sugar. I'll walk into the room and he'll be trying to check his sugar. When he sees me, he'll say "High" and give me his finger. It sucks that at such a young age he has to know what all of this means, but the fact that he is learning and getting used to it makes me so proud of him.
Then there are the times that he doesn't understand things, like not being able to eat certain foods. For instance, Elliot does a play group for Early intervention because he is verbally behind. I have to go to the group with him because they don't have a nurse on staff, and he needs his diabetes to be monitored. One day, a parent brought in cupcakes. I began to cry. I wasn't expecting this to happen so soon. He wasn't going to understand why he couldn't have a cupcake. So the teacher asked me what to do. I told her to distract him with cheese. He LOVES cheese. And that time, it worked. So when another parent brought in cupcakes for another child's birthday, we thought it would work. It didn't. I looked through the two way mirror and I saw the disappointment in my child's face. He looked down at the cheese, then looked around at the other cupcakes and told the teacher he wanted one. She told him she was sorry, but he couldn't have one. Then she told him he could have as much cheese as he would like. He just lowered his head and began to eat the cheese very slowly. It broke my heart. That look on his face brought me to tears simply because I know what it is like. I know how it feels to be singled out because you can't eat something, and even having a different type of treat isn't the same. Why does everyone else get to have that and I have to eat this? Why can't I have what everyone else is having?
It's not all that fun. Although it doesn't phase you as much when you are an adult, it still hurts when you see your child going through the same thoughts that you had when you were growing up.
As for our diabetes, we are doing alright. My A1c is down and his is as well, but of course neither are where our doctors want them to be. But, it's ok, because we are working on it. Elliot is starting to show a pattern instead of having erratic blood sugars, it's all about finding the right basal and bolus settings for him now. I am trying not to cheat like I used to and I am trying to test as much as I can. It's hard because most of my life I didn't care about my diabetes and now I have to take care of myself to set a good example for my baby. It's hard word, but we're getting there.
On another note, my insulin pump is busted. It malfunctioned and reset everything, deleting my bolus and basal settings. Yeah, and it happened yesterday, a Sunday. I couldn't get a hold of my endo and my primary care wasn't in so I got the doctor on call. That doctor had no clue what to do, so she told me to go to the ER. I went and my bg went up to 309 and I started to get sick. They gave me a sliding scale to work with and a shot of lantus until I could get in contact with my endo for my basal and bolus settings (I didn't know how busted my pump was). So I called my endo this morning, got my settings, put them in the pump and presto! It malfunctioned again. >_> So as I was freaking out, my husband calmed me down and asked me if I should call the pump company, so I did. Turns out the error that my pump was reading meant my pump was no good and it would be dangerous for me to try to use it. I'm getting a new pump tomorrow morning. So now I have another day of high bg's and insulin and syringes. *sigh*
